Tasenda

you, are the Midas of unfortunate , She said everything , you touch, she said , breaks down i protest , Things are just not made like they used to be cheap Chinese knockoffs Things were better in the olden days she ignored me cups or hearts , you have broken all , china and plastic. you are Midas of Broken prayers she kept saying like a old LP record, that i touched and broke

--- In the space between two  breaths, a small pause  Where your memories Reside frozen  In between my madness A moment of sanity Where the music Still resounds In the light left behind By a million dusk's A single floating lamp Burning eternally In the depths of  Hell-fire, a single  unfettered hope You

(For my Peer, For my Shahid) If I could I would hide All your poems From the world If I could I would memorize Every word and Then burn all your books If I could I would turn Back time and visit You every day till I died If I could I would translate Your grief and pain And make it all mine If I could I would hoard Every verse, every ghazal And read it alone If I could I would bring You back from that land Where you never wanted to go

You stare at me From that torn poster Like the protagonist of Some sad Palestinian film Your eyes, a blaze of Rebellion, your still breath Glazing all fear Striping everything away Making me swear The impossibility of my Love for you never Stuck me till it was Too late in the day I keep replaying In my mind, like A broken record set on fire, All scenarios and solution To this quagmire Unrequited love, you once Said was too much To bear, now that I am here I see what you meant You wrote letters of love But they were never addressed To me, The man who got them Set them ablaze even Before he read the tears Gazelles and dogged mirrors All lie broken at the feet Of an imagined world, even as You stare at me From that torn poster --

-- In time my love will Be a museum where they will Store stale tobacco and more --

Reverse engineer the universe Dismantle this radio silence Strip away the pain All I hear is cold static, Every moment calculated On an abacus made of rain Disentangle those wires, Separate the red from the Green Wind those mechanical Owls and make them Sing Hack off pages from Those sad digital novels, Make them stop just Before the crappy ending When everyone is happy Sing sad sonatas, Take out the false falsettos Set them as ringtones For my phone calls Rip apart this solitude Unblock every channel Make me yours Strip away the Pain Dismantle this radio silence Reverse engineer the universe

Those phone calls that I never made, remain Unanswered Their phantom rings getting Louder with each passing Second, making my ears Bleed I can see you Calmly ignoring my Non-existent calls Deleting my unsent emails Without reading them, Blocking me everywhere, Even in my own imagination You return the gifts That I never send Never even opening them Shahid, Neruda, Angelou, Lorca, Ghosts all Haunt me as I search For nonexistent verses of Arabic Little bits of magic Hidden in the Quran To bring back dead love You mean well, you said In that conversation We never had, But I can’t do this anymore

There are mountains Just outside of Delhi, Made of decomposed Human souls and carcasses Of dreams Children play knee-deep In filth, even as The vultures watch Cavernously hoping for Them to Die                             Among the broken toys And discarded condoms Stories lie broken with Rusted promises and Mangled desires Monuments of defanged Glory lie buried under Tons of ruined organic Peristaltic pumps bearing Witness to the cancer of our being The stench of putrid Human existence takes Over the neighborhood,                                       With the amorous promiscuous Prostitution of our senses Piled sky high Just outside of Delhi --

Hi Could you get out of my life please I know you mean well But you can go die now I need to be alone Away from all of you I can’t handle you Or your questions anymore This thing is over Go away and Die DIE DIE DIE -- I mean Please go away I wish you luck And all that Go back to your sad life And leave me alone You have just made Things worst, Confusing me with you fake morals And your lax standards -- You think, I don’t know What is going on here You are hoping I fail And fall in your arms That will never happen You need to leave Leave me alone Please Go --

Did you fight Dragons in your dreams last night? Or just dusty old memories? Did you sit on the old rickety bench by Dal? Or just float in empty space? Did you drench in the cold Srinagar Rains? or just watched soldiers march by? Did you hear the owls screech all night long? Or just let go and go Mad -- for Fire

My heart is a Totalitarian State, and you, Merciless autocrat its Unquestioned despot Whatever you say goes, From banning blushes To making me meow You control everything Now including me There are curfews And roadblocks everywhere Along the road of Former flames and streets Of desire Orders are passed Memories of anything Except you arrested Insomnia summarily tried and executed Rumors of your cruelty Follow me everywhere As you purge everything In my heart that is not You --

Hey Secret flower Go plant landmines on the Sun I will be waiting for you In the shadows of Aitken basin Holding pretentious roses, you so hate For being pompous and fake You will berate me for Not getting you onion flowers, So rare , almost vintage You will say, Before we go on a date To shrines of old loves and dead doves, we shall sip on lipstick stained water while you take your revenge on bland Pistachios mixed  with love -

If I could, I would Rip a Hole Through time And Space -- I would Go back to The place Where we met And efface The moment -- Only to make It resurface Just before Before time And space --

If I was an airport guard I would randomly search You every single time Why? You'd never detect my heart Don’t you carry your heart on your sleeve  No, I camouflage it in my lipstick Then I will taste your lipstick in the name of national security Even the one which is on your lips You will be essentially be kissing yourself goodbye even though No one has ever died of a lipstick overdose What if you use poisonous lipstick? Then it would kill me before it kills you You can't die Then you can't either -- Almost by me 

I can see your shadows Escape the dressing room Making my imagination Run wild, even as I wonder What could have been And what would have been I see you try Colors pink and orange As you try to recreate An age long gone by Even as I wonder What could have been And what would have been Your sheer dupattas Matched with your smiles your Hands covered with Invisible henna touch Fabrics, Even as I wonder What could have been And what would have been --                                                          (For A)

I must go, he said. Why, she asked Her beautiful eyes  Almost drowning  The question hangs In the air, like Smoke from which vintage  Steam engine  He looks at her Turns to go, Unsure how to answer, Reasons choking down His throat parched, hands  Shaking, he looks back Trying to say, Goodbye  Their eyes meet Words fail him, she  Almost smiles  he almost cries --                                                                                       (For SS)

My body leaves my soul  Behind in a airport waiting room My sorrow fossilized  By the snow choked cold   I rush to write it's  Obituary, only to find  I have left pen and Paper behind  I am reduced to digitizing my exile  My voice an  Unplayable audio file  Tourists roam around, Their camera phone set on  Stun, their flashes cutting Through my silence  Planes rush around  On the almost wet runway The screeching tires Drowning out my screams

There beyond the carved   Black Iron wrought gate Some miles down the dusty Uneven road You turn left and enter The village of The damned and the dead -- The streets are full of Bloated dead dog carcasses Leather skinned men stand guard At windows which have sad faces Glued on to the panes -- The rats have deserted The village hotel, with its Two rooms and sad kitchen With everyone dead No one has checked in Since 1989 -- Only the tiny graveyard Is tidy, with even The stones glistening In the sun -- The dead don’t Put up with crap -- They come here everyday With torches and pitchforks To wail at the walls And scale the gates Begging to be Let in -- There no space for them here No beds to spare Too many mad men Live here to let a Few more in --

My whotastic speech  That comic gait and  the Bloody bulbous pus  called My nose  Made all the childwen laugh  While it sank in my heart  --  And his diwty twicks Made it wowse,  What is wrowg in  A poor man twying to  Feed his family  Sell a little fuw  And eat a bit of bone

I travel through the Fractured landscape of My oppression Your memory my only companion, melting my Dreams into pure shimmer You lie back, languid On the berth, staring at a Moon I can't see Your sad melancholic Eyes, writing poetry That I can't, won't, read God calls to me And my infidel heart, While I die as I travel through the Fractured landscape of My oppression Your presence, Half imagined, half real Fills up my thoughts Devouring each part Of my soul, as you Declare all of it Hyperbole

It has been years But even now, when you Think i am not looking You stare at me Hating my very being -- I can feel your eyes boring into my back wishing that I was dead wondering why I am there Wishing for him to be here -- I carry someone else’s guilt Even after all this time He haunts my dreams I see you smiling, holding his hand And Leaving me all alone - Every night, I can see you When you think I am asleep Holding back the desire To smother me in my sleep And let the demons die - I never asked for this But how was I supposed To know, that you would Go and discover love That was not me -- Please don’t blame me I never knew,   who he was I never understood Why he was -- For me nothing Existed, nothing but you

The postman delivered A blank letter this morning, I hold an unending nothingness Broken only two uneven Tear drops and that familiar perfume -- I don’t hate you, she writes in invisible ink But you never complete Conversations, and never Treat people well -- You lie, cheat and Make my heart beat YOU BASTARD, she shouted You made me weep I don’t hate you She writes in invisible ink -- You cause misery Every time you smile May misery find you And s t ay with you Till you die I don’t hate you She writes in invisible ink -- The letter ends As the perfume fades In a moment of madness I taste the tears, Bitter almonds, I tell myself, Smell just like cynaide -- Unending nothingness Lies on the floor Along with me I don’t hate you She writes in invisible ink... Tz

'Tasim, breathe, it's not the end of the world' She said and then she smiled And the world came to an end

Blotted and Stained Like blood on apples, My reputation remains in tatters After these years But what was a woman to do? -- He had the face of An angel His shoulders, A sculptors dream His eyes, spoke a million languages his lips, like daggers driven apart -- I grew outside of Cairo Unloving father and sad mother Sold me for a goat and   A bag of gold To the first merchant who They came across -- My Husband, Kind, Generous man Made me his wife And put me along with Thirteen others -- My Husband, Kind Generous man Kept me happy Visited me twice a month Blessing me with His drunken kisses and Impotent rage -- I was never sad What more could A woman want? Lots of wealth and An impotent husband Sex was a chore The price of being so glad -- Then he came Chained and covered with dust Another man from the Slave traders den He stood at the gate Neither sad nor in jest Even at a distance H

In the museum of my life You are the curator of love The keeper of chocolate wrappers And old newspapers I am the Forgettor of anniversaries And loser of key rings You hold  our memories While I clutch at Hastily brought roses Snatched probably from a funeral With the dearly  departed card still hanging You remember all dates That blue shirt,  those awful red shoes I sleep through movies,  snoring even as  Hugh Grant  gallantly  runs across the celluloid You hold us together My curator of love I just hold You --

Have you died already Unsung Unheard Have you died already  Did you leave a note behind Or do you expect us to Write our goodbyes for you Have you died already Sad Lonely Have you died already Did you arrange for your funeral Those few yards of land And that white cloth Or did you think we would throw you a party Have you died already Bed-ridden Comatose Have you died already Did you draft your will Those measly books And that sad table Or did you think I would give them away to charity Have you died already or Have you killed me already

Nīrān I am fire, she says And scorches my soul She looks into my eyes And the ice in my veins melts I am fire, she says And burns my existence Her whispers are sparks Her deep sighs, infernos Her touch turns me to ash And I fly away with the wind I am fire, she says Aatish, Naar, Aag, Nīrān She says And whips my heart Cryonics We could stay here Frozen in time with a single flake of snow, That would refuse to melt I would hear you sing Rumi and Tabraiz The rain would be music Your almond eyes would be candles We could stay here frozen in time holding onto the fingers of eternity, I would lean over Whisper in your ear And night would never end -- Nīrān - Arabic for "many fires"

We could stay here Frozen in time with a single flake of snow, That would refuse to melt I would hear you sing Rumi and Tabraiz The rain would be music Your almond eyes would be candles We could stay here frozen in time holding onto the fingers of eternity, I would lean over Whisper in your ear And night would never end

Your shame shall be pinned to the wall To be displayed next to hunting trophies And placentas of long dead ancestors You will have no place here Or there or anywhere We shall hold you and your desires Captive, and singe any melody Before it turns into a song of resistance We will hurt you and any You dare to love without permission For never forget, we control you We own you but always remember Daughter dearest Daddy loves you